Restoring What Was Lost in Shadow and Light
I was out the other night, under a bright waning moon, appreciating the cosmos and equally so, the plants swaying in the wind. I positioned myself beneath the willow for its gorgeous mane, knowing that in past times healers used this bark as a pain killer and fever reducer. We just completed the Alchemical Constellations Training retreat and I found myself moving like her branches (in ragdoll yoga pose), letting her healing energy move down my spine and caress me as I felt the winds of change in my own expression.
Stepping out fully, making choices that shape the direction of a group, takes courage. Teaching, training, and showing up “BIG” in front of other competent and highly skilled individuals isn’t just brave, it has consequences and influence that ripple into the present, past, and future. Stepping into visibility and impact in alignment with the blueprint of my soul kicks up a wave of old, yet very real and human questions: Am I safe? Am I accepted? Do I belong?
To be totally honest, when we look outside ourselves we often meet a resounding “NO!” to that question, reflected back by the waves of projections cast on powerful women, but the answer we know deep within is, “Yes,” when connected to the soft current of true, present existence.
Like so many within our community, I carry the weight of the witch wound. Whispers from ancestors, punished for being too loudly (or too quietly), themselves, echo through us: Don’t be too much (distill your words, dim your magik). Stay safe (confine your therapy within ‘best practices’). Protect yourself (from the judgement of others, from your own success). Yet I’ve learned that if we “take the risk” and dare to belong to ourselves first, something remarkable happens. The door swings open to our truth, our purpose, and the council of consciousness seeking expression through us.” To put it simply:
When we step into our fullness, more flows through us, and our impact and influence expands.
But with this opening comes the ancestral chorus, carrying warnings stitched into our cells: Make yourself useful, valuable, be a bit of exactly what they want. Don’t show your super powers, you’ll be burned at the stake. Tread the well-worn, safe, and practical path to make it in this world. This was their way of survival and yet, to step into our fullest creative power, we must listen, honor, and then choose a different path as a gift.
This is partly why I keep questing how to reclaim the feminine within constellation work, and everything I do. It’s on fire for me at the moment, this longing, this curiosity, this desire to include the body’s wisdom, the intuitive spark, and the subtle, mystical currents of the “all of HER.”
I’m genuinely curious, and empowered even by just the question: What happens when we invite “Her” to breathe with fluidity, presence, and grace? Not to dominate, but to move gently and rhythmically. I’m proud to say that my ancestors’ inherited voice, the quests of their belonging journey, is what sparked this forward motion. To them, I’ll tip my crown and drum my heartbeat.
Together in community, Seeing with Your Heart constellations have taken a different path, a style of alchemy that most haven’t experienced before. Dan and my Alchemical Constellations approach are authentic to Hellinger’s original roots, but they expand into the shamanic, ancestral, and spiritual dimensions, where consciousness feeds the soul’s longing. They are spontaneous, mystical experiences that invite the feminine and masculine to blend in harmony.
This is why we partner with folks from across the world in our courses – Erik and Christel Andersen of South Africa for our Back to the Roots Retreat – and now Rotger Heilmeier and Oana Tanase for two upcoming retreats in Germany and Romania. We want to harmonize with the global pulse of connectivity both in our bodies and in the body of our work. In Bucharest, our retreat calls in the luminous, healing presence of Ileana Cosânzeana, an archetype from Romanian myth symbolizing beauty, kindness, and healing grace. She invites us to soften where we’ve braced and remember that even our questions carry a song waiting to be sung. Ileana teaches that sorrow itself carries seeds of beauty. Like a rose blooming through frost, her mythic presence gives us permission to step into our own aliveness with gentleness and radiance.
Prior to Romania, we will gather near Munich over Samhain, a time when the veil between worlds is thinnest and the witch wound and alchemical magik is wide awake. Samhain, October 31st, is often recognized as the modern witches’ New Year. It’s a time to honor death and rebirth, to listen for what lies beyond the ordinary, and to remember the wisdom our ancestors carried before they were asked to hide it. Samhain also holds the shadow of the centuries of witch burnings, the silencing of magic, and the deep fears woven into our collective memory. We dedicate our retreat to honor the resilience of those who came before and reclaim the wisdom that was nearly erased.
During our Into the Dark retreat, we will gather on German soil, acknowledging both ancestral silence and the layers of unspoken history that still echo. It will be a space for truth to be felt, for hidden stories to be tended, and for the shamanic, intuitive ancestral threads of European wisdom to weave themselves back into conscious awareness.
Both retreats – Reclaiming Aliveness in Bucharest, Romania and Into the Dark in St Ottilien, Germany – arise from the same impulse: to remember and restore our connection to the pulse of magic that was lost. As we move toward Samhain, we are invited to experience how the magic, the mystery, and the myth have never truly left us. They have been waiting for us to admit that we belong once again.
We honor the past without being bound by it, reclaim our creative power, and step fully into the radiant life that awaits when we remember who we truly are.
